Inner Conflict Resolution: The Ego Self vs the True Essence


“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

— Carl Jung.

Definition and Importance

Inner conflict or self conflict is a psychological struggle within a person’s mind, often involving a clash between competing desires, beliefs, or impulses. It is the turmoil we feel when our actions do not align with our values or when our thoughts and emotions pull us in different directions. Inner conflict can manifest as anxiety, stress, indecision, or emotional distress, and if left unresolved, it can hinder personal growth and well-being.

Resolving inner conflict is crucial because it paves the way for inner peace and harmony. When we understand and reconcile the conflicting parts of ourselves, we can make decisions with greater clarity, align our actions with our true values, and live more authentically. This resolution is critical to achieving emotional stability, mental health, and overall life satisfaction.

Overview of the Article

In this article, we will explore the nature of self conflict through the lens of two fundamental aspects of the Self: the Ego Self and the Higher aspect of the Self. The Ego Self represents our constructed identity, shaped by societal expectations, experiences, and external validations. It often drives us to seek approval, success, and security. On the other hand, the True Essence is our core self, characterised by authenticity, inner wisdom, and a deep connection to our values and purpose. While the Ego Self or Shadow Self is influenced by external factors and seeks validation, the True Essence is innate and guides us towards our true desires and purpose.

We will delve into the characteristics and origins of the Ego Self or Shadow Self and the Higher aspect of Self (True Essence), examine the dynamics of inner conflict between these two aspects, and provide practical techniques for resolving this conflict. These techniques are not just tools, they are your power to move toward a more harmonious and fulfilling life. By understanding and addressing the inner battle between the Ego Self and the True Essence or Higher Self, you can take control of your inner world and shape your outer reality.

Stay here as we navigate this journey of self-discovery and transformation, offering insights and tools to help you align with your True Essence and resolve the inner conflicts that may be holding you back.

Understanding the Ego Self

Understanding The Ego Self or Shadow Self

Definition of the Ego Self

The Ego Self is the part of our identity constructed through interactions with the external world. It is the image we build of ourselves based on our experiences, societal expectations, and feedback from others. The Ego Self is responsible for our self-perception and how we present ourselves to the world. It helps us navigate social structures, achieve goals, and maintain a sense of individuality. While it plays a crucial role in forming our identity, it often operates from a place of fear and separation, seeking validation and approval to feel secure.

Origins and Development

The Ego Self develops in early childhood as we differentiate ourselves from others. This process is influenced by our upbringing, the values instilled by our family, and the cultural norms we are exposed to. As children, we learn to seek approval and avoid disapproval from our caregivers and peers, which shapes our behaviours and beliefs. Over time, these external influences mould our Ego Self, teaching us what is considered acceptable and desirable in our society.

Social conditioning plays a significant role in this development. Through education, media, and social interactions, we are taught what success, happiness, and self-worth look like. We internalise these messages and strive to conform to these standards, often at the expense of our Higher Self. The Ego Self becomes a collection of learned behaviours, beliefs, and roles that we adopt to fit in and be accepted.

Characteristics of the Ego Self

The Ego Self is marked by several distinct traits that drive our actions and interactions:

  • Attachment to Material Success: The Ego Self often equates self-worth with external achievements, such as wealth, status, and possessions. It seeks validation through accomplishments and recognition.
  • Fear and Insecurity: Operating from a place of fear, the Ego Self or Shadow Self is constantly concerned with protecting its image and avoiding failure or rejection. This can lead to anxiety and defensive behaviours.
  • Need for Validation: The Ego Self thrives on external approval and validation. It relies on others’ opinions to feel worthy and significant.
  • Comparison and Competition: The Ego Self is prone to comparing itself to others, fostering a sense of competition and envy. It measures success relative to others’ achievements.
  • Defensiveness and Ego Protection: To maintain its constructed identity, the Ego Self can become defensive and resistant to change or criticism. It seeks to uphold its self-image at all costs.

Impact on Behaviour and Decision-Making

The Ego Self significantly influences our thoughts, behaviours, and choices, often leading to inner conflict. When the Ego Self drives our actions, we may prioritise external validation over our true desires, leading to decisions that do not align with our core values. This misalignment creates tension and dissatisfaction as we feel pulled between what we think we should do and what we genuinely want.

For instance, consider a scenario where you might choose a career path that is socially prestigious but unfulfilling, such as becoming a lawyer because it’s a respected profession, even though your true passion lies in art. Or, you might stay in relationships that provide security but lack genuine connection, like staying in a marriage for financial stability despite feeling emotionally unfulfilled. In both cases, the Ego Self’s fear of failure and need for approval can cause you to avoid risks and opportunities for growth, keeping you stuck in familiar but limiting patterns.

Furthermore, the Ego Self’s tendency to compare and compete can erode our sense of inner peace. When we constantly measure ourselves against others, we may feel inadequate or envious, leading to stress and emotional turmoil.

Bottom Line

The Ego Self profoundly shapes our identity and behaviour, often leading to inner conflict as it seeks external validation and security. Understanding its characteristics and influence is the first step in recognising the inner struggles it creates, allowing us to begin the journey toward aligning with our True Essence.

Exploring the True Essence: Higher Self

Shadow self vs Higher Self

Definition of the True Essence

The True Essence or the Higher aspect of Self is the core of our being, representing our most authentic Self. It is the part of us that remains constant and unchanging, regardless of external circumstances or societal influences. Unlike the Ego Self, constructed and shaped by our environment, the True Essence is innate, embodying our inner wisdom, values, and true desires. It is the source of our authenticity, guiding us toward a life that resonates with our most profound truths and purpose.

Origins and Nature

From a spiritual and philosophical perspective, the Higher Self is often described as our soul or higher Self. Many traditions and philosophies, such as Buddhism, Hinduism, and various forms of mysticism, emphasise the idea of an inner self that transcends our physical existence and social identity. This inner Self is considered timeless and eternal, not bound by the limitations of the material world.

Philosophers and spiritual teachers have long argued that the True Essence is our true nature, obscured by the layers of conditioning and ego. We can reconnect with this pure, unchanging part of ourselves by peeling back these layers through self-reflection, meditation, and other spiritual practices. The True Essence is associated with a deep sense of peace and contentment, as it aligns with our genuine needs and aspirations rather than external pressures.

Characteristics of the True Essence

The True Essence or Higher Self is characterised by several key traits that distinguish it from the Ego Self:

  • Peace: The Higher aspect of Self embodies a profound sense of inner peace and tranquillity. When we connect with it, we experience a calmness that is not easily disturbed by external events or challenges.
  • Love: Unconditional love is a fundamental aspect of the Higher aspect of the Self. This love extends to ourselves and others, fostering compassion and empathy in our interactions.
  • Compassion: The True Essence is inherently compassionate, understanding the interconnectedness of all beings and acting with kindness and understanding.
  • Clarity: When aligned with our Higher Self, we understand our values, desires, and purpose. This clarity helps us make decisions that are true to who we are.
  • Authenticity: The True Essence or Higher Self encourages us to live authentically, expressing our true thoughts, feelings, and desires without fear of judgment or rejection.
  • Inner Wisdom: The True Essence is a source of inner wisdom, guiding us with intuition and insight beyond logical reasoning.

Impact on Behaviour and Decision-Making

Aligning with the Higher Self profoundly impacts our behaviour and decision-making, leading to more authentic and fulfilling choices. When we make decisions from a place of inner alignment, we are guided by our true values and desires rather than external expectations or fears.

Career that Aligns

For instance, a person aligned with their True Essence might choose a career that aligns with their passions and values, even if it is less lucrative or prestigious. While possibly unconventional, this choice brings a deep sense of fulfilment and purpose. Similarly, relationships based on authenticity and mutual respect become more meaningful and satisfying.


Living in alignment with the True Essence also reduces inner conflict. When our actions reflect our true selves, we experience less tension and more harmony. This alignment fosters emotional resilience, as we are less swayed by external validation and more anchored in our inner peace and clarity.


Moreover, the Higher Self’s compassion and love enhance our relationships with others. We become more empathetic and understanding, fostering deeper connections and reducing conflicts. This shift in perspective allows us to navigate life’s challenges with grace and wisdom, making choices that contribute to our overall well-being and those around us.

Bottom Line

The True Essence represents our most authentic Self, characterised by peace, love, compassion, and clarity. By aligning with our True Essence, we can make decisions that lead to a more fulfilling and harmonious life, free from the conflicts and limitations imposed by the Ego Self.

The Dynamics of Inner Conflict or Self Conflict

Understanding Inner Conflict

Sources of Inner Conflict

Inner conflict often arises from the tension between the Ego Self or Shadow Self and the True Essence or Higher Self. Here are some familiar sources of this conflict:

  • External Validation vs. Inner Fulfilment: The Ego Self seeks approval and validation from others, while the Higher Self values inner fulfilment and authenticity. This can lead to conflict when our actions are driven to please others rather than align with our true desires.
  • Fear vs. Love: The Ego Self is often motivated by fear—fear of failure, rejection, or loss. In contrast, the True Essence operates from a place of love and trust. This dichotomy can create inner turmoil as we navigate decisions influenced by fear versus those guided by love.
  • Material Success vs. Spiritual Growth: The Ego Self equates success with material wealth and social status, whereas the True Essence prioritises spiritual growth and inner peace. This can lead to conflicts when pursuing career goals or lifestyle choices.
  • Conformity vs. Authenticity: The Ego Self tends to conform to societal norms and expectations to fit in and be accepted. The True Essence, however, encourages authenticity and authentic self-expression, which can sometimes go against the grain of societal standards.

Symptoms and Manifestations

The conflict between the Ego Self and the True Essence can manifest in various ways in our daily lives:

  • Stress and Anxiety: Constantly striving for external validation and fearing failure can lead to chronic stress and anxiety. The inner tension between what we want to do and what we feel we should do creates a state of unease.
  • Indecision and Procrastination: Inner conflict often results in indecision as we struggle to choose between conflicting desires. This indecision can lead to procrastination, as we avoid making choices that feel internally conflicted.
  • Emotional Turmoil: When our actions do not align with our Higher Self, guilt, shame, or frustration can arise. This emotional turmoil can affect our mental and emotional well-being.
  • Lack of Fulfilment: Pursuing goals not aligned with our true values and desires can lead to emptiness and lack of fulfilment, even if we achieve external success.


Example 1: Career Choice

Nancy is a successful lawyer working at a renowned firm. Her Ego Self or Shadow Self values the recognition, salary, and status that come with her job. However, her True Essence feels unfulfilled, as she has always had a passion for environmental conservation. The inner conflict between her career achievements and true passion leads to chronic stress and dissatisfaction.

Resolution: Nancy started volunteering with environmental organisations in her spare time, which gave her a sense of fulfilment. Eventually, she transitioned her career to environmental law, aligning her professional life with her True Essence

Example 2: Personal Relationships

Adam is in a long-term relationship with a partner who meets his Ego Self’s criteria for a perfect partner: attractive, successful, and socially accepted. However, Adam’s True Essence lacks deep emotional connection and shared values. The inner conflict manifests as frustration and emotional distance in the relationship.

Resolution: Adam began to explore his own values and desires, realising the importance of emotional intimacy and shared goals. He had honest conversations with his partner, leading to a renewed commitment to building a deeper connection. By prioritising his True Essence, he moved toward a more rewarding relationship.

Bottom Line

These examples illustrate how inner conflict between the Ego Self and the True Essence or Higher Self can manifest in various areas of life. We can achieve greater inner harmony and fulfilment by recognising and addressing these conflicts.

Techniques for Inner Conflict Resolution


Mindfulness brings attention to the present moment, cultivating awareness and acceptance of our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without judgment. Practising mindfulness can quiet the Ego Self and connect more deeply with our True Essence. Here’s how mindfulness helps in resolving inner conflict:

  • Awareness: Mindfulness helps us become aware of the thoughts and beliefs that drive our actions. Observing these thoughts without attachment allows us to recognise when the Ego Self is at play.
  • Nonjudgment: By adopting a nonjudgmental attitude towards our experiences, we reduce the power of the Ego Self, which often thrives on self-criticism and fear.
  • Presence: Focusing on the present moment diminishes the Ego Self’s preoccupations with past regrets and future anxieties, allowing us to connect with our True Essence, which exists in the here and now.
  • Compassion: Mindfulness fosters self-compassion, helping us treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, which aligns with the loving nature of the True Essence.

Self-Reflection and Journaling

Self-reflection and journaling are powerful tools for understanding and resolving inner conflict. They allow us to delve deeper into our thoughts, emotions, and motivations, facilitating a dialogue between the Ego Self and the True Essence.

  • Clarifying Thoughts: Writing down our thoughts helps explain our feelings and why. This can reveal patterns driven by the Ego Self, such as the need for validation or fear of failure.
  • Exploring Emotions: Journaling provides a safe space to explore and process emotions. Acknowledging and expressing these feelings, we can understand the underlying conflicts between our Ego Self and True Essence.
  • Identifying Values: Reflecting on our experiences and writing about our values helps us distinguish between what truly matters to us and what is influenced by external pressures.
  • Setting Intentions: Journaling can be used to set intentions that align with our Higher Self, guiding us toward actions and decisions that reflect our authentic Self.

Therapeutic Approaches

Several therapeutic approaches can effectively address inner conflict by working directly with different parts of the Self:

  • Hypnotherapy Using Parts Therapy: Parts therapy involves accessing and communicating with different parts of the subconscious mind. Hypnotherapy can facilitate inner harmony by acknowledging and integrating conflicting parts.
  • Internal Family Systems (IFS): IFS therapy views the mind as composed of various sub-personalities or “parts.” By identifying and understanding these parts, especially the protective roles of the Ego Self, IFS helps individuals connect with their subconscious mind to foster healing and integration.
  • Ego State Therapy: Similar to parts therapy, ego state therapy focuses on different ego states or aspects of the personality. By bringing these states into awareness and promoting dialogue among them, the therapy aims to resolve inner conflicts and promote cohesion.


Self-hypnosis is a self-directed technique that induces a state of deep relaxation and focused attention, allowing individuals to access their subconscious mind. It can be a valuable tool for resolving inner conflict by promoting self-awareness and facilitating communication between the Ego Self or Shadow Self and True Essence or Higher Self.

  • Relaxation: Self-hypnosis helps quiet the mind and relax the body, reducing the influence of the Ego Self’s fear and anxiety.
  • Visualisation: Through guided visualisation, individuals can explore their inner landscape, identify areas of conflict, and visualise their True Essence, promoting alignment and integration.
  • Affirmations: Using positive affirmations during self-hypnosis can reinforce the values and qualities of the Higher Self, helping to shift beliefs and behaviours influenced by the Ego Self.
  • Inner Dialogue: Self-hypnosis can create a space for inner dialogue, where individuals can communicate with different parts of themselves, understand their needs, and work towards resolving conflicts.

Bottom Line

These techniques offer practical and effective ways to address inner conflict by fostering awareness, understanding, and integration between the Ego Self and the True Essence. We can move towards greater inner harmony and fulfilment by incorporating mindfulness, self-reflection, therapeutic approaches, and self-hypnosis into our lives.

Benefits of Resolving Inner Conflict

Inner Conflict Resolution Parts Therapy

Personal Growth and Development

Resolving inner conflict or self conflict is a significant catalyst for personal growth and self-improvement. When we address the tension between the Ego Self and the True Essence, we better understand our true values, desires, and strengths. This self-awareness allows us to:

  • Set Authentic Goals: We can set goals that resonate with our core values and passions, leading to more meaningful achievements.
  • Enhance Self-Understanding: By reconciling different parts of ourselves, we develop a more comprehensive and compassionate understanding of who we are.
  • Increase Resilience: Understanding and integrating our inner conflicts make us more resilient in facing external challenges, as we are anchored in our True Essence.

Enhanced Relationships

Inner harmony significantly improves our relationships with others. When we resolve inner conflicts, we become more authentic, compassionate, and empathetic, which positively influences our interactions and connections with others:

  • Authenticity in Relationships: We can engage in relationships more authentically, expressing our true feelings and needs without fear of rejection or judgment.
  • Improved Communication: With inner clarity, our communication becomes more honest and effective, reducing misunderstandings and conflicts.
  • Stronger Connections: Authenticity and empathy foster more profound and meaningful connections as we relate to others from genuine understanding and love.

Improved Mental and Emotional Health

The resolution of inner conflict has profound benefits for our mental and emotional health. By aligning with our True Essence, we experience:

  • Reduced Stress and Anxiety: Inner harmony diminishes the stress and anxiety caused by the constant battle between competing desires and fears.
  • Emotional Stability: We achieve greater emotional balance and stability as our actions and decisions align with our true values and desires.
  • Increased Self-Compassion: By embracing all parts of ourselves, we cultivate self-compassion, which enhances our overall emotional well-being.

Greater Life Fulfilment

Living in alignment with the Higher Self or True Essence leads to a more fulfilling and purposeful life. When we resolve inner conflicts, we:

  • Find Purpose and Meaning: Our actions and decisions are guided by our true purpose and values, leading to fulfilment and meaning in life.
  • Experience Joy and Contentment: Inner alignment brings a deep sense of joy and contentment, as we are no longer driven by external validation but by our inner truth.
  • Achieve Personal Fulfilment: By living authentically and following our true passions, we achieve a unattainable level of personal fulfilment when guided solely by the Ego Self.

Bottom Line

Resolving the inner conflict between the Ego Self and the True Essence brings numerous benefits, including personal growth, enhanced relationships, improved mental and emotional health, and greater life fulfilment. By fostering inner harmony, we pave the way for a more authentic, meaningful, and joyful existence.

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    Key Points

    In this article, we explored the concept of inner conflict, focusing on the dynamic tension between the Ego Self and the True Essence. We defined the Ego Self or Shadow Self as our constructed identity, shaped by societal expectations and experiences, and the Higher Self as our core, authentic Self, characterised by inner wisdom and timeless values. We discussed the sources and manifestations of inner conflict, including the pursuit of external validation versus inner fulfilment, fear versus love, and conformity versus authenticity.

    We examined techniques for resolving inner conflict, such as mindfulness, self-reflection and journaling, therapeutic approaches like hypnotherapy and Internal Family Systems (IFS), and self-hypnosis. Finally, we highlighted the benefits of resolving inner conflict, including personal growth, enhanced relationships, improved mental and emotional health, and greater life fulfilment.

    Seek Inner Harmony

    Achieving inner harmony is a journey that requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to explore the depths of our inner selves. Recognising and addressing the conflicts between the Ego Self and the True Essence can pave the way for a more authentic and fulfilling life. Embrace the process of self-discovery and integration, knowing that each step brings you closer to living in alignment with your true values and desires.


    To begin your journey toward resolving inner conflict and living more authentically, consider the following actionable steps:

    1. Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, into your daily routine to cultivate present-moment awareness and reduce the influence of the Ego Self.
    2. Engage in Self-Reflection and Journaling: Set aside regular time for self-reflection and journaling to explore your thoughts, emotions, and values. Use this practice to identify areas of inner conflict and gain clarity about your True Essence.
    3. Seek Therapeutic Support: Consider working with a therapist who specialises in hypnotherapy, IFS, or ego state therapy to facilitate deeper exploration and resolution of inner conflicts.
    4. Learn Self-Hypnosis: Explore self-hypnosis techniques to access your subconscious mind, promote relaxation, and align your actions with your Higher Self.
    5. Explore Further Reading and Resources: Read books, articles, and other resources on inner conflict resolution, mindfulness, and self-awareness. Attend workshops or online courses to deepen your understanding and practice.

    Bottom Line

    These steps allow you to embark on a transformative journey toward inner harmony and a more authentic, fulfilling life. Remember, the path to resolving inner conflict is unique for each individual, and every effort you make brings you closer to your true Self.


    The information provided in this article is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Inner conflict resolution can be a complex and deeply personal process. If you are experiencing significant mental or emotional distress, or if you have any concerns about your mental health, it is essential to seek the guidance of a qualified mental health professional. They can provide tailored support and treatment to help you navigate inner conflicts and promote overall well-being.

    Further Reading and Resources

    1. “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment” by Eckhart Tolle – This book emphasises the importance of living in the present moment and provides practical advice on achieving a state of mindfulness and inner peace.
    2. “The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself” by Michael A. Singer – Singer explores the concept of Self and offers insights on how to free yourself from the habitual thoughts and emotions that limit your consciousness.
    3. “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha” by Tara Brach – This book combines Western psychology and Eastern spiritual practices to help readers develop self-compassion and acceptance, key elements in resolving inner conflict.
    4. “You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment” by Thich Nhat Hanh – Thich Nhat Hanh offers guidance on mindfulness and meditation practices that can help you connect with your True Essence and live more authentically.
    5. “Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide to Your Inner Life” by Tom Holmes – This accessible guide introduces the concept of parts therapy and provides practical exercises for working with different aspects of your personality.
    6. “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Kristin Neff – Neff explains the importance of self-compassion and offers techniques for developing a kinder and more understanding relationship with yourself.
    7. “Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth” by Robert A. Johnson – This book explores the use of dreams and active imagination as tools for understanding and integrating the different parts of yourself, promoting inner harmony.

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    About Lungisa E Sonqishe

    I am a qualified Executive Coach who focuses on Positive Mindset Strategies. I am also an accredited Client-Centered Hypnotherapist (CHT) and Parts Therapist (CPTF) who helps clients achieve a new level of performance. I am a proud member of the International Medical and Dental Hypnotherapy Association®. 

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